#12 In A Pit? Time To Get Out

Imagine that you are walking along an isolated area of the woods, all by yourself, taking a short-cut to your camp when you fall into a pit.  It’s dirty and smelly. You try climbing out but you keep slipping back down. You can’t seem to get a good grip or footing. It’s getting dark soon and you’re afraid that bugs or wild animals might get a hold of you.  Thoughts go through your mind.  Why did I go this way?  Why wasn’t I more careful? Will anyone find me? How do I get out of here? I have fallen into a pit and I am stuck.

Today at our Women’s Ministry Event, I was one of three speakers and God led me to Beth Moore’s book Get Out Of That Pit, Straight Talk About God’s Deliverance. For weeks, I have been preparing and I had changed the focus three times.  But this third time, God led me to this book I bought over two years ago thinking that one day it might come in handy.

I shared about the three types of pits that people can fall into:

1. When you’re thrown into a pit

2. When you slip into a pit

3. When you jump into a pit

In the first point, thrown into a pit, this is when things happen to you beyond your control and you cannot regain any sense of control.

I was thrown into a pit at the hands of my first husband, who was abusive, physically, emotionally, and sexually. I lived years in fear of his anger. I was afraid to tell anyone about the pit I was living in.  I lived in hopelessness, except with a glimmer of hope that I would see whenever I prayed.  There was something inside of me that hoped for rescue.  Six years later, it came.  God gave me the clarity of mind to get out with my three little children and save myself and them. God made a way when I saw no way.

In Genesis 37:23-25, Joseph, son of Jacob, was thrown into a pit by his jealous brothers and then they sat down to eat.  How the enemy uses people to sit nearby and torment us by acting like nothing ever happened or making us feel like it’s our fault.  I think that Joseph realized his brothers hated him that much, that they would throw him in a pit to die. But they did pull him out and sold him into slavery, another kind of pit. Young, 17 year old Joseph could not control the hatred his brothers felt for him. But God had wonderful plans for Joseph's life beyond what he could see at the moment.

Another pit I was thrown into was in 2008 when my wonderful, Godly husband was diagnosed with early onset dementia. That same year I was diagnosed with a rare colon cancer.  Four years later, Edry died.  Five weeks after his death, my mother died from ovarian cancer. I was in a pit of despair, broken dreams, fear of tomorrow; unable to control my life; not sure if God was going to continue to allow me to suffer for a long time, like Job.

  

I could not control the chaos and losses that were going on in my life. I moved from health to cancer and chronic physical problems; from married to widow; from teaching to unemployment; from having a house to living with my daughter; from having lots of space to having to drastically downsize into a small space and get rid of parts of my life.

 I have slipped and jumped into pits of my own doing as well, either out of ignorance, having others take advantage of me, or downright rebellion.  But God has rescued me for the plan He has had for me all along.  His plans cannot be ruined, undone, sidetracked, or detoured.  I am where He wants me today. 

When I was in pain from the chemo treatments I would read these verses and it gave me comfort.  Psalm 40:1-5

1.      I wait patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.

2.      He lifted me out of the slimy pit; out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand

3.      He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.

4.      Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods.

5.      Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders you have done.  The things you planned for us no one else can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare.

Though, many times I did not wait patiently like I should have, but God heard my cry anyway.  That’s His choice. He did lift me out of the pit of pitiful despair and brokenness. My feet are not sinking deep into nothingness but are standing firm where I can see God’s hand at work. I don’t sing the “poor me, poor me” song, but the song of “God is great. His faithfulness endures forever.”  As I look back at my life, I see the wonders of God. There are so many that I can’t count them or remember them all.

If you find yourself in a pit of some kind today, whether you got thrown into it by someone or trials of life, whether you slid in there yourself by ignoring danger signals, or whether you jumped in due to blatant disobedience, don’t give up on the Lord. Wait patiently. Continue to cry out to God.  He is listening. He will lift you up.  Confess your sin.  Ask for forgiveness. Consent to God’s will, which is to live in freedom from bondage. You have to want it bad enough.  Say yes to Jesus.  He will move you from sinking sand, from the sinking pit to the solid rock, which is Jesus Christ.

God loves us. He is good. He is faithful. His mercy is forever. He calls us to be like Him.

You Are Good by Kari Jobe

#11 Tribute to Mom

Tomorrow, on Mother’s Day, Mom will be in heaven 2 years, 8 months, 17 days.  This will be my third Mother’s Day without her.  As this week was unfolding, I could feel a disorientation going on in my mind.  My mind darted over to the thought “I’ve got to get Mom a card” and instantly I realized “she’s not here.”  That also happened last year.

It seems like yesterday that Mom was still here, but as time goes by, it seems she’s been gone much longer. That is when I apply this verse from 2 Peter 3:8 “But do not let this one fact escape your notice, beloved, that with the Lord one day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years like one day.”  Though Peter is talking about the coming day of the Lord, that feeling of time moving fast and slow, is there.

The first Mother’s Day without her, I bought a card and wrote a message to her.   But the second year and this year, I didn’t want to do that.  This year, it’s all about pictures and memories.  I love thinking about all the things Mom did for me that made me feel special and loved. 

Mom was strict.  I would look at her face and know that I better not do what I had planned on doing.  I usually didn’t get in much trouble.  My sister called me the “goody two shoes”.  Mom taught me how to cook Puerto Rican rice and how to sew on a sewing machine.  She showed me how to crochet and knit.  I can’t crochet and knit anymore, but I still sew.

When my first marriage failed and I was totally penniless, Mom watched my three little kids while I worked full time.  What was remarkable was that she was already watching my youngest sister’s two kids because she was a single mother as well.  Later on, my sister remarried and Mom watched the new baby too.  Yes, it was a great challenge watching six kids under the age of six but Mom loved us.

Mom cooked for all of them.  She made up games for them.  She broke up fights between them.  She watched them all summer while my sister and I worked.  She watched all those kids into their teenage years.  When I complained to others about my kids’ teenage years, I knew Mom could complain more, so I better not say much.

 

When Edry and I got married, Mom made her special, huge pot of Puerto Rican rice for our reception.  Mom always made extra food and sent it upstairs where we lived.  She knew that I probably didn’t have time to cook for my new husband with the long hours I kept at work. There were no complaints from any of us. 

When Edry and I bought our first house and moved out, there was Mom standing at the door, with tears in her eyes.  And there was I, in the car driving away, crying, because I wouldn’t see her every day, like I would want to.  But Sunday became family time, and there we were visiting Mom and Dad, eating away. 

Thanksgiving was Mom’s favorite holiday.  She loved having all her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren over.  As she got older and tired, my second sister and I took turns hosting Thanksgiving.  The last Thanksgiving Mom was with us, was spent at my sister’s.  When I hosted, I felt that same love of family being together that Mom felt. I knew why it was so important to her.

When Edry was near the end of his life, Mom was diagnosed with terminal ovarian cancer.  I was so torn between how to spend time with both of them.  When Edry passed away, I went to live with my parents and took a leave of absence from teaching to take care of Mom during her last five weeks. 

I was able to spend time listening to her stories, to her sorrows, to her fear of leaving Dad behind.  Mom has always been strong but she was so frail, a side of her I had not really seen.  We watched the Price Is Right, her favorite show, every day.  My youngest sister and I made up her medication schedule, her meal schedule, and her exercise schedule but in the end, God’s schedule was to take her to His place, Heaven.

I miss her contagious laugh.  I miss her cooking.  I miss how happy she made Dad feel.  He misses her so much.  I miss her smell of perfume.  I now buy the same ones so that I can smell her every day.   I wear her broaches, her earrings, and anything else I’ve kept, so that I can think back to that time when she wore it. 

I miss sitting with Mom talking about Jesus.  Sundays after church, we would talk about the messages at our churches.  It’s not the same but now when I visit Dad, we sit and talk about the messages at our churches.  I’m glad that Mom set the pace and the standard for both of us, that talking about Jesus is the best way to spend our time.

My mom, a self-sacrificing woman, not just for her children, but for the people she ministered to at St. Aloysius for over 30 years.  At her funeral service, the church was full of people that loved her.  She always spoke the truth to people and always turned them to Christ if they wanted to see results in their lives.  Mom loved the Lord with all her heart and it showed. 

I know that one day I will see Mom again in heaven and what a great day that will be.  I love you Mom.

Give your mother a big hug and kiss and tell her you love her.
A Song For Mama by Boyz II Men

#10 Be Brave

I did Warrior Dash in 2013 and 2014 to raise money for St. Jude’s Research Hospital for children. You have to be brave to do some of the obstacles of this yearly 5K mud race.  I’m not that young anymore but I got the courage to run with my daughter and sister. I climbed ropes, slippery walls, crawled up muddy slopes, and jumped over and through fire.  Having my daughter and sister helped me to be brave and exercise courage.  I could never do something like this all by myself.

Psalm 56:9 Then my enemies will turn back in the day
when I call; This I know, that God is for me.

How can we be brave when there is so much that causes us to be afraid?  You might be afraid of the past catching up to you.  You might be afraid of what is currently going on in your life.  And what about the future?  It’s scary not knowing what the outcome will be when tomorrow becomes today. 

Moses told the people of Israel that he would not be able to cross the Jordan and go with them to the Promised Land.  Moses told them that God will go ahead of them and destroy those nations before them.  He tells them to “be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

Israel’s past was that they came from bondage in Egypt. At the present, they knew that with Moses’ guidance, they were going to freedom.  But impatience, slipping hope, loss of a vision, weariness, and the enemy’s blinding lies can cause doubt of the future, so Moses reassures them that God will be with them and Joshua will take the nation the rest of the way.

When I think about my past and present, I have seen God at work in some of my most difficult situations.  God walked with me during those dark days, where grief seemed almost hopeless in ending after my husband and mother died in the same summer. 

There are times that I wonder how I got through the first year.  I read my journal from those days and the words of desperation seem so unreal.  Was that really me?  God has been healing my grief.  I am not in that same place.  It was looking at the future that caused me to be anxious during that time.  All the questions I had asked God; what is going to happen to me?  How do I go on by myself? Who am I now that I am no longer a wife?

But like what Moses said to the people of Israel, “be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.”

As the three year anniversary is coming upon me, I look back and realize that many times I was not courageous; I was not strong or brave.  I trembled at where I was and what I thought my future would be like.  As each day passed, each week, each month, I realized that God had walked with me. When I had been afraid, I prayed for God to let me feel His presence with me.  I searched His Word, I prayed, I talked to a Godly sister and I was reassured again.

After almost three years, I most assuredly know that I can run to the Lord with my concern and I know He’s there.  I have no doubt.  He is always there.  It’s not like God goes to the other side of the world and comes when I call.  God walks with me always.  I wake up and God is there.  I go to bed at night and He’s there. If there is trouble in my life, God is there.

In doing Warrior Dash, I saw it as how the troubles of this life resemble this race.  There are slippery slopes that cause us to feel that we are not going to make it.  There are high walls that seem almost impossible to climb.  There is fire that can burn away our faith.  I came in near the end of our group, but I made it.

I am a Princess Warrior

There are answers for my questions. What is going to happen to me?  God will grow me into a new woman.  He will fight for me when others try to take advantage of me in my vulnerable state.  God cares for the widow.  How will I go on by myself?  He has placed Godly women around me that pray for me, that share special moments with me, that point me back to the Father when I feel distressed.  Who am I now that I am no longer a wife?  I am a child of God. I always have been.  I am a vessel for God’s purposes and for His kingdom. I am a broken jar that is still useful for the Lord. I am a Princess Warrior that wears the Armor of God that helps me fight the daily battles of life.

I can be strong, in Christ.  I can have courage. I can know that I am not alone.  I never was.  I never will be. I can face tomorrow.  I can be brave. 

I can be brave. I am not alone.

 Where do we belong?  God has a place for us in this world.
Place In This World by Michael W. Smith