#1 Wandering and Tears

My first blog post. A little scary for me.  I’m going to let others in on my heart and my thoughts about suffering and God’s joy.

What’s with the title? Well, so many tears I’ve cried and at one point, I wondered, “Does God get tired of my crying?  Is there somewhere in the Bible where God tells me to get over it?” My tears are not wasted. 

Psalm 56:8 says "You have taken account of my wanderings; Put my tears in Your bottle; Are they not in Your book?” (NASB)

How far can wandering take a person? What happens during a time of wandering?  Wandering can take us to the deepest pit in our lives.  It can take us farther than the pit’s scum. Wandering can cause such great sorrow. Wandering can take us so far away from any resemblance of a normal life. A normal life meaning having a job, going to school, married with kids and even having a dog.  When we wander away from a stable life we can find ourselves doing drugs, in prostitution, committing crimes, abandoning our kids or family. The list can go on. 

But wandering doesn’t have to be that drastic. It can be as uneventful as watching too much television, having a drink after work with coworkers every Friday, or working too much. We can find ourselves wandering in life in these situations as well.

Maybe wandering can come about when we are trying to find who we are in life, why we even exist. We find there is no satisfaction in anything we try, like getting a higher education or volunteering to help the poor. 

My wanderings have led me astray, far away from God. As I have walked around in this life, I have searched for something or someone to fill the void that I have felt most of my life until my wonderful husband became ill and passed away. It was when I myself became ill that me, this Christian woman, really looked to Jesus as the One who could fill the void that no man could, not my husband, not my children, not my parents, siblings, or friends. No one. 

But it’s interesting that the Scripture says that God takes all our wanderings into account. He has been paying attention to all the back roads we have taken. Nothing has escaped Him. Why would God even pay attention or care, especially since we have wandered so far off? We are already a huge mess and nothing can fix us, so why should God care? Because we are created in His image and we matter to Him. In Matthew 10:30-31, Jesus says, “But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So do not fear, you are more valuable than many sparrows.” (NASB)

Since God cares that much, He has a bottle to keep our tears. He also has a record of our tears in His book. These are the tears that have come from pain when we have wandered so far from God; or wandered just a little.  These are tears that come from illness, from death, from worrying over a wayward child, from being unemployed too long, from feeling alone, from wondering if the crying will ever stop. God does not forget the tears we cry. They are precious to Him. They matter to Him because we matter to Him. 

I just found out last year that God puts my tears in His bottle. I don’t know why I never saw this Scripture before.                                                                                                               

Those who I have shared my story with have encouraged me to write so others can be encouraged by the faithfulness God has shown me.  At the beginning of my recent journey, I did not feel God was faithful to me, mostly because I equated faithfulness with everything going right; no serious troubles, no real turmoil. But when the bottom fell out of my life, I did not see God as being faithful.

I have had multiple journeys in my life: young girl, first marriage, single mother, remarriage and stepmother, and now widow. As I tell my story, I know I will take you to my different journeys. Through all of these, God has always walked with me even though I didn’t realize it.

If you wonder if God could ever restore a broken life, I’m here to tell you that He can. God is healing me every day.  I am sharing my heart, my thoughts, and what God has done for me.  I pray that maybe there is something I’ve written that can help you and make sense for you. My goal is to direct you to God.  He is the only one that can change how you feel, just say yes and He will.