#9 I Love Weddings

Weddings.  I love going to weddings.  The moment the bride walks down the aisle, everyone is up on their feet watching beauty walk past them all. The groom looks at his beloved, waiting for her to stand by his side and waiting for the official announcement that they will be Mr. and Mrs.

I went to a wedding on Saturday with my single girlfriend.  In the car, we talked about remarriage and when will the Lord bless us with another opportunity to be a wife?  Oh, I want this kind of wedding; I want to wear that; I only want this at my wedding.  Well, what about the man?  All the preparations for the perfect day, but what about the man being prepared? What about me being prepared?

My first marriage was a disaster. After six years, it finally ended in divorce.  It was the longest, painful six years of my life.  I can honestly say that I did not deserve the violence and cruelty I experienced. But I learned to wait for the right time to seek help. 

I was at a point in my life where I was tired of making poor choices in relationships. I was tired of being alone but also tired of being with the wrong person. Which was worse, being alone or being with someone and feeling alone? I had to wait for the right time and the right man.

But after eight years, then came my second husband, Edry, the man God had prepared for me.  I didn’t look for him at my job. I didn’t search for him on a website.  I didn’t put an ad in a newspaper.  I didn’t answer an ad in a newspaper.  I didn’t go on a blind date.  I wasn’t set up by a friend. God just brought me to him.  Don’t get me wrong; some of these things have brought many couples to a long and beautiful marriage. God just did a miracle in my life, I believe, so that I could see how great God is. 

May is our wedding anniversary month and in July, it  will be three years Edry has been with the Lord.  I no longer wear my wedding ring. I don’t mark the box that says Mrs. on any forms. I don’t file a joint tax return. I’ve had to learn how to use a GPS; read a map; take my car in for an oil change, pump my own gas (yes, I was spoiled); get my own Tylenol when I have a headache; sit alone at the doctor’s office; hold myself back from buying him an anniversary card; find someone available to go with me to a wedding.  I miss all these things, and more. These things have made being married a very good experience. 

So, would I do it again?  I sure would.  I believe that I have grown spiritually since my husband died. I also believe God is not going to miraculously bring me to “him” like He did with Edry, but that in my maturity, I have to wait on the Lord and make a Godly choice. 

I read this Scripture and hold fast to it because I believe that God can give me another good marriage.  Genesis 2:22 “The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man.”

For the past 6 ½ years, since my husband was diagnosed with early onset dementia and I was diagnosed with colorectal cancer, God has been fashioning me into the woman He wants me to be.  When the time is right and I am done being fashioned, God will bring me to a man that He has been preparing. Edry’s memory can never be erased or replaced by anyone else, but I believe God can bless me again.  That’s what I want, another blessing. But in the meantime, I am allowing God to fashion me for His purposes and to serve His people, for His kingdom and His glory.  Can God say, “no” to another husband?  Yes, He can, but I have not heard that from the Lord.  In the meantime, I wait, with hope.

Genesis 2:18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”

 

Psalm 25:21 Let integrity and uprightness preserve me, For I wait for You.

Psalm 27:14 Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.

Psalm 62:5 My soul, wait in silence for God only, For my hope is from Him.

There is always a song that is appropriate.

God Gave Me You by Dave Barnes
Wait For Me by Rebecca St. James

#8 True Friends

My sisters, 7 years ago.

Growing up, my two sisters were my true friends and they still are. Growing up, I didn’t have true friends outside of my family. When I was in high school, I had different kinds of friends.  There were the friends I would eat lunch with or study with.  There were the friends I sat next to in class and shared class notes with. 

As I got older, I had my very close, intimate friends, who I ate lunch with at work and talked about my life and struggles. There were my co-worker friends, who I would help on a work assignment. There was a difference on how I related to these people, as well.  Some friends are closer than others.  There is something about me and other people that make us very close or make us not as close.

Friends are important in life. The old cliché is true that “no man is an island.” We cannot live in this world and operate on our own.  We will always be in contact with others (at work, school, church).  There have been times I have seen when a person does not want to interact with others. I’ve wondered if that person had any friends.  I think it’s a lonely place in life not to have any loving, trusting, and supportive friends. 

Jesus had twelve disciples that walked with Him, talked with Him, saw what He did, and they loved Him and He loved them. Jesus was not living a life of secrecy with His friends. He was an open book and He shared the way to eternal life with them.

John 15:15 says, “No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you.” (NASB)

Jesus knew their hearts, their weaknesses, and their thoughts.  He knew Peter would deny his friend. He knew Thomas would doubt his friend’s words of resurrection and the words of his brother disciples. He knew Judas would betray his friend.

But isn’t it amazing that Jesus loved them even though He knew this about His friends. My humanity says, “Out they go; can’t trust them; don't want to get close to anyone ever.” But not Jesus.  He loved them all the way to the cross.  What does a true friend do when he or she has been failed by their beloved friend?  What does a true friend do when he or she failed their friend?

Jesus forgave. Peter repented. Thomas believed.  Judas would not repent. He did not believe. He tried to make his wrong right by trying to give back the thirty pieces of silver he took to betray the Lord, but that’s where he stopped.  Instead of believing in Jesus’ love and then repent, Judas killed himself. The money was not the issue.  It was his heart.   I think if Judas would have run to the Lord and said, “Forgive me, I took money to betray You”, Jesus would have forgiven him because that is what Jesus came to this earth to do; to forgive sin, all kinds of sin.

Armitage women, friends in the Lord

Not everyone can be our close friend.  Jesus had twelve close friends, but others did follow Him that loved Him.  I need those few, intimate friends that I can share my heart with.  I know I cannot do that with everyone, but I can still love others and be supportive of them. But with my closest friends, I can cry, I can share about my broken dreams and the dreams I pray for God to answer. With my closest friends, I can break bread with them. I can walk with them when they feel lonely. I can love them when they are hurt or confused.  I can tell them the truth, in love, and pray for them. Friends come and go in and out of my life but they are friends forever.

If I had no friends at all, who would have visited me when I was sick in the hospital and at home with cancer? Who would have prayed for me when my life turned upside down, when I had to sell my house and move? Who would have seen through the schemes of the enemy and protected me when I was being cheated? Who would have prayed for me when I struggled with Social Security, nursing homes, and care for my husband? Who would have comforted me when my husband, my mother, and my brother-in-law passed away within one year? Who would have prayed for me when I resigned from my teaching job and had no income while I sought God to figure out where He was leading me?

All my friends have prayed for me, whether close or not.  I make a list of people who ask for prayer and I pray for them, whether they are intimate close friends or friends in the Lord.  It doesn’t matter. Everyone needs prayer and we can be a friend by lifting them up to God in prayer.

Jesus is the greatest friend of all. John 15:13 says, “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.” I am so grateful that Jesus, my best friend, lay down His life for me so that I would not have to find a way to make myself right with God.  Jesus did it all on the cross.  He is the greatest friend with the greatest gift of all.

In being a child of God, when we accept Jesus as our Savior for our sins, Jesus says, “This I command you, that you love one another.” John 15:17.  That means to love like Jesus did.  Forgive our friends like He forgave Peter.  Reassure our friends like He reassured Thomas and the other disciples.  And continue on with the mission that God has set before you, even when there is betrayal.

There are so many sweet songs about friends.  It just warms my heart that even in the secular world, people sing about friends. When I met my husband, his favorite song of all time was Friends Are Friends Forever.  When I asked my sister to sing an appropriate song for Edry’s funeral service, she came up with the same song.  It’s amazing how God puts everything together, perfectly. Edry and I sang a song to each other at our wedding ceremony. I thought it was appropriate that I would sing one last song for my beloved friend, with my sister, at his service.  Edry was a good friend that anyone would want to have. 

A great song: Friends Are Friends Forever by Michael W. Smith

#7 God Keeps His Promises

There are times I reflect on how God’s scriptures water my spirit.  Sometimes I sing songs. Sometimes I pray the scriptures and other times I write them into a poem form.  God has promises for every area of life; fear, hurt, sadness, loneliness, brokenness. There is nothing that God cannot speak to.  He is where we can go to find peace, comfort, joy.  It’s in that hiding place where He can restore us, renew us, revive us. 

               God Keeps His Promises

In need of mercy? Oh mercies keep coming.

They come every morning, new every day.

God is faithful and He pours them onto you.

In need of deliverance? God will rescue you.

Just call on Him when trouble comes.

And when you see His greatness,

You will glorify Him with all your might.

In need of stability? When life is upside down,

Jesus is the same always, never changing,

Yesterday, today, tomorrow, and forever.

You can count on His promises.

Feeling alone? We know this too well.

God is there when you talk to Him.

He will never leave you or abandon you.

Full of fear?  He has redeemed you.

He has called you by name, you are His.

He will protect you.

Need love? The Almighty can satisfy you.

He starts to fill you first thing in the morning.

His love never fails.

It causes you to sing for joy.

It causes you to be glad every day of your life.

Need forgiveness? Come to the Lord.

He can forgive you; confess it to God.

God will forgive because He is faithful.

He will cleanse you and make you right with Him.

God is great. Give Him thanks.

Be still and listen.  Understand.

God is the great I Am.

beautiful song:  Most Holy Father

Lamentations 3:22-23, Psalm 50:15, Hebrews 13:8, Hebrews 13:5, Isaiah 43:1, 

Psalm 90:14, 1 John 1:9, 1 Thessalonians 5:18, Psalm 46:10

#6 Ready to Die? Then You're Ready To Live

During the Lent season, the focus is the crucifixion and death of Jesus Christ.  Easter is the glorious celebration of Jesus rising and conquering death. 

Luke 14:34-36 says, 34 And He said to them (Peter, James, John in Gethsemane), “My soul is deeply grieved to the point of death; remain here and keep watch.” 35 And He went a little beyond them, and fell to the ground and began to pray that if it were possible, the hour might pass Him by. 36 And He was saying, “Abba! Father! All things are possible for You; remove this cup from Me; yet not what I will, but what You will.”

Jesus’ humanity is so evident in verse 36 when He asks God the Father, that if it’s possible, to remove this cup from Him; the cup of God’s wrath.  Jesus knew that He would be in this place, at this time in history, but He still asked for the cup to be removed. He would not do anything that was not in God’s will. He had accepted the mission that had been laid out for Him. Jesus accepted to allow the wrath of God to be poured out on Him for the sins of humanity. He was obedient all the way to death.

Jesus knows how we feel when we are facing death. We do not have to face the wrath of God for our sins because Jesus took care of that for us when we accepted Him as our Savior, but we still have to face death; whether it’s the death of someone we love dearly or even facing death ourselves. Facing death is scary even when we know that we are God’s child and our eternal future is secure.

In the last 6 ½ years, I have looked at death, mine, my husband’s, my mother’s, and my brother-in-law’s.  Though I’ve not been a missionary like the apostle Paul was, who faced so much hardship for the cause of the cross, my faith was still being tested during my own cancer illness and subsequent trials. I will probably not ever know why my life had gone down a road I didn’t choose. I wonder what God purposed for me.  So far, He has not made everything clear but a few things are clear. The clarity of these things have been the cause for the joy I have in my heart.  It’s so hard for anyone to wrap their mind around joy through tragedy, but God makes it possible.

Since my illness, I have thought about death.  It’s almost unavoidable.  It seems that everywhere I turn, there is death.  It’s in the news, it’s in my church, it’s in my family.  Some people die from acts of violence and some from an illness. Some people die young and others at a ripe old age.  No matter who we are, how we live, where we live, we are all going to die, unless we are alive when Jesus comes for His church.  So, are we ready to die?

I thought I was going to die on the operating table.  I was ready.  Then, I thought I was going to die from a pulmonary embolism.  I asked God to let me take care of my husband, who was slowly losing his battle with early-onset dementia.  Regardless, I was ready.  I thought I was going to die from all the effects of chemotherapy.  I really didn’t think my body could take any more treatments, so I prayed and told God that I was ready. 

But instead of me dying, God allowed my body to recover, for a reason. I watched my husband slowly leave me.  I prayed for a miracle.  I know others prayed for a miracle too. But when his behavior became so unmanageable, the doctor said it was time for the hospital and then a nursing home.  On his last day on this earth, I had gone to my Bible study that morning before I went to the hospital to see Edry.  I did not think he would die that day and that was because our class teacher read the following scripture that caused me to believe that there was going to be a miracle of some kind.  Edry would have life breathed back into him by God.

Ezekiel 37:4-6, Again He said to me, “Prophesy over these bones and say to them, ‘O dry bones, hear the word of the Lord.” Thus says the Lord God to these bones, ‘Behold, I Lord will cause breath to enter you that you may come to life. I will put sinews on you, make flesh grow back on you, cover you with skin and put breath in you that you may come alive; and you will know that I am the Lord.”

When I got to the hospital with my family, Edry looked worse than the day before.  My brother-in-law prayed for him.  I played his favorite CD.  I held his hand.  A couple of hours later, everyone went home and I stayed with him. I read the Bible to him, sang to him, and cried for him.  I was making arrangements with the nurse to spend the following days and nights with him.  I had to go home and pack a bag for myself.  I was worried he wasn’t going to make it through the night, but the hospice nurse said that he should still be ok.  I wanted him to hold on a little longer. I didn’t want him to die alone. I wanted to be by his side.

I started driving down the expressway to go home and pack. The caller ID on my cell phone showed the hospital was calling. Edry died twenty minutes after I had left him.  I turned around and went back to the hospital.  My daughter and brother met me there.  Edry was ready to die after I had left. He held on as long as he could.  The nurse said that he most likely didn’t want me to see him go; that he was trying to spare me the pain of watching him die. That sounded like something Edry would do, always thinking of what was best for me. But I know that it was God that did what was best for me.  God breathed life back into Edry, just like the morning Scripture, just not in this life.

One week later, I moved into my parents’ home to care for my mom with my youngest sister, who was losing her battle with ovarian cancer.  I don’t think she was ready to die.  She tried very hard to hold on but the pain was becoming unmanageable. Hospice can be a very emotional and stressful time. There is the dealing with lots of medicines, managing nourishment, and personal care, just like what I did for Edry.  Then I saw Mom’s face that day and she was ready. I held my mom’s hand while we waited.  My dad, my youngest sister and her daughter gathered around Mom as she was slowly slipping away from us and moving on with Jesus.

A year later, I sat in my sister’s bedroom while we attended to her dying husband.  Like Mom, he was not ready to die.  He was strong.  He fought it with all he had, but there came a point that he could not fight it any longer.  I helped my sister, during the week, to take care of him while he was in hospice.  Then one day while I was home sleeping, I got the phone call in the early morning before dawn.  He was now resting with the Lord.

There was a sense of peace that came over these three family members. Their hearts said, “I’m ready.”  They were always ready, but this readiness at the very end was different.  I have said that I’m ready to be with Jesus but when I was dealing with cancer, I struggled with really being ready to die.  Did I do everything God had wanted me to do? Were there things I had to finish on this earth? Would God be able to say, “Come, good and faithful servant?” I’m sure I could get a lot of differing opinions on these questions, but these are questions I wonder about as I’m walking this journey with death being so fresh in my experience.

Then, I think of Jesus.  He was ready to die.  There was no question about that. He told His disciples early on that He would die. Matthew 26:2 says, “You know that after two days the Passover is coming, and the Son of Man is to be handed over for crucifixion.” He went to the cross willingly for all humanity. The crucifixion of Jesus is a sad event but He did not remain dead. He rose from the grave and sits with His heavenly Father.

My family members are with Jesus now.  They have faithfully served the Lord, spread the Gospel, and have been a living example of a transformed life for Christ. What great joy there is in knowing that their story is not over.  Just as Christ rose and is eternally in heaven with the Father, my family is with Christ, enjoying the fruit of their labor for Jesus. The Master has said, “Well done, good and faithful slave. You were faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master.” Matthew 25:21.  How great thou art!

I am ready.  Are you ready? Heavenly Lord, always keep us ready for when you call us to come into Your joy. Let us not be afraid to die but allow us to rest in Your promise, that from this life, we will enter into Your presence, if we have accepted You as Savior, as Lord.

John 3:36 “He who believes in the Son has eternal life; but he who does not obey the Son will not see life, but the wrath of God abides on him.”  Today is the day of salvation. Come to Jesus.  He takes away the shame and the pain and replaces it with joy and hope. He takes a broken life and transforms it into a useful vessel for His glory. There is nothing to lose, but everything to gain.

My Redeemer Lives is the perfect song for today.